I DESERVE the right kind of happiness

"It's killing me. Swear I've never cried so much because I never knew love would hurt this fuckin bad. Worst pain that I ever had."

That quote pretty much sums up my whole life after the heartbreaking experience I had to go through. My condition was really bad back then. Crying was the only thing that can make me feel a bit better, so I always ended up crying my heart out every single night for the past 5 months. I cried for an asshole who doesn't even deserve a single drop of my tear. "Pathetic", that's the word that suited me well.

I was literally living in hell..

my whole life was a joke

I couldn't study well, all of my grades were bad. I didn't have any motivation to do anything, not even an intention to change.

"What do you mean? What kind of transformation did you want to do anyway?"

The life-changing transformation, obviously. The intention to get out of this pathetic phase of mine. The sad phase. The blue phase. All of the bad phase I've gone through

I wasn't the "nyelaw Marchi" like I used to be. I was really self-contained. I cried in front of my best friends for a hundred times until they were really fed-up of my tears. They asked me to find a better atmosphere, surround myself with good people, forget about that asshole and find a new guy.

I said I couldn't

I was too in love to let go

But when I reached the lowest point of my pathetic life, he dated another girl.
My friend told me that he already dated her for a month
I was really devastated
I didn't know what to do
I cried even harder
I was really sick of everything

I didn't have someone to talk to
I didn't know how am I gonna survive the pain
The worst kind of pain

But one day I realized that I really need to change.
I deserve to be happy

That's why I started to live differently
I did what I should've done a long time ago
I tried to forget about him, hanging out more with my friend and I met a new guy
strangely, it works really well.

I finally got the right kind of happiness

The pure one

and now I understand why Robin Williams said this

Sometimes we are too afraid to be alone
That we forced ourselves to be with someone who doesn't provide the happiness that we actually deserve.

so

WAKE UP PEOPLE! TOO MUCH LOVE WILL KILL YOU!

but the right portion of love can make your life brighter<3